when you see my face hope it gives you hell... hope it gives you hell...

this has been a nightmarish week! also, this will probably be a really long post....

So lets start with the stress level in my life- I'm unbelievably stressed because of the family drama. (remember this moment- this is the first time I've admitted there's family drama on my blog.) I'm going insane! I tried to just not think about it all and distance myself from the entire thing, but I totally can't. I can go for about a week and be totally fine, but then I'll some kind of huge nervous breakdown. All the drama started when? About Sept 20th? right- so I've been stressed about that to the point where I pretty much stopped going to classes except for tests. I went into 3 tests without even knowing what they were on... got a 68% on one of them... normally I'd be pissed off about that low of a grade, but given the circumstances I was kind of excited about it.

great- so I'm stressed about the family and not going to classes. Lets talk about my academic standing right now at UNC. When I got home from FL I almost flunked out of school, so I was on academic probation. I just got off it last semester. I was very excited- had a little party. Now though? yeah... failing 3/4 of my classes with absolutely no chance of pulling any of them out of the fire... you know what that'll do? yep- make me flunk out of school. Awesome.

So I dropped out of school. I'm so pissed off that it had to come to this. I actually liked my classes this year- they were cool.... but it doesn't matter anymore, because I'm not in any of them.

Okay so lets talk about money. Remember that speeding ticket I got? totally screwed me over for rent. I barely got it put together on the 4th (mind you it was due oct 31). Mom and Dad have been helping me out, which I am very grateful for, but I wish I could do it on my own. bleh....

So I got my rent put together, and I thought I was finally coming out of the weeds a bit, but then I remember I need to drive down to t-town to vote. Not so much a big deal right? wrong. I'm driving in front of my old high school. I know the speed limit is low, I know there are ALWAYS cops everywhere there, I know this is the worst place in the world to speed... so I don't speed. I cannot stress this point enough- I'M NOT SPEEDING!! I remember that the car in front of me was speeding and I thought "they're going to get a ticket... sucks to be them" So I'm almost off 136th -right around the path where all the smokers from Horizon got to smoke- when a cop pulls out and starts flashing his lights at me. I think- I'm not doing anything wrong, he must have just gotten a call, so I pull over immediately and I'm awkwardly parked on a hill. To my great surprise he pulls over too. He came over and told me I was going 40 in a 25.... two things wrong with that statement- I was going only going 33 and the speed limit was 30. I had just checked my speed!! I know how fast I was going!! He told me it's a school zone, so the fine will be higher... but I swear I didn't see it labeled as a school zone. I asked to see his radar, and it indeed did show that he had caught someone going 40, but I wasn't speeding! again- the car in front of me was, but I was not. He said that he caught me going 40 over by where the speed first changed to 25 and that I didn't slow down until traffic made me slow down.... okay.... again- two things wrong with that statement... if he caught me going 40 over by where he says he did then he really must just have super-human powers to know which car he caught speeding... there's a hill between where I was "speeding" and where he was, so he couldn't actually see me.... second thing wrong with that statement, and I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but he just described what the car in front of me did... not me.... oh- one more thing wrong with that statement- he can't charge me with speeding in a school zone for me speeding over there, it's not a school zone over there... just because you pull me over in a school zone doesn't mean I committed a crime in a school zone.

So I got a ticket. For not doing anything. Bastard.

After I got the ticket I drove home, still needed to go vote. I called Dad and was in the midst of a panic attack- pretty sure first time dad's ever talked to me in the midst of a panic attack... I JUST GOT MY RENT! and now I have to pay this ticket!!! I'm fighting it, but what if I don't win? I'm totally screwed financially!!!

Which brings me to another reason to drop out- I need to work more so that I can afford rent.... Actually I probably need another job to pay rent...

I warned you this would be a long post. haha... hope you read it!