close your eyes... clear your heart..

So much has happened since I last wrote.

First, my roommate moved out. She wasn't actually deported, but she would have been if she stayed in the country.

Second, I have two job interviews this week... I don't know if I'm going for a new job, or a second job... either way I hope I get one of them!

Third, I redid my blog!

okay so- apparently not enough happened that I really had much to write about, but I felt like writing anyways...

I like this version... a lot...

there maybe some mild language... I don't know... I didn't actually listen to this before I put it up...

2009 already?

people keep talking to me about some month called "December." Yeah.... I don't think I've heard of it... sounds made up to me.

Dad and I went to court for that total crap speeding ticket I got. The Prosecutor said we could fight it if we wanted to, but she's never lost a case like this before, and regardless of whether or not I'm charged for the same offense the fine would be the same. So we paid it, and by 'we' I mean 'dad'. Thanks for that papa- I was able to pay my rent by myself this month, but I wouldn't have if I paid that ticket.

I've made a few goals, and being that it's the beginning of the year I guess you could call them New Years Resolutions. You COULD call them that, but I don't. I'd like to call them "I'm no longer crazy depressed and to prove it I'm going to do something with my life goals," but for short INLCDATPIIGTDSWMLG. yep. that's a good little nickname.

so anyways- my goals. First- Everyone in my house (myself included) are having financial problems, so to try and help this we're all trying to not eat out. I'm not really planning on cutting it out completely because if I did I wouldn't ever eat, but I am cutting it down a lot. maybe 2 times a month. that seems like a good amount.

second- totally cliche, but I want to get into better shape. I went to the doctor the other day and was distraught to find out that I had gained 10 pounds since the last time I went in however long ago that was. Camilla and I were talking about taking some fitness classes together at the local gym/ community college. I've started doing Pilates. I used to say that I really hated pilates, but I realized I've never really given it a fair try. I'm really liking it. I was surprised, but I actually really like pilates.

third- I'm moving on from my past and letting go of things. Some of you know I've started EMDR. For those of you who haven't heard of EMDR, here's a quick little video that I thought was kind of interesting. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBtqWrs2-K0

I'm probably not going to be talking much about the EMDR here, or really anywhere else.... let's just say it's hard and I'm not sure I like it.... but thats really all I ever want to talk about it.

okay- so there are my INLCDATPIIGTDSWMLGs. Happy New Year everyone!

a bit bored...

I. Put your iTunes etc on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? The World has turned and left me here (weezer)
2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? One more Sad song (all american rejects)
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Fernando (ABBA) hah!
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? It ends tonight (all american rejects)
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Bend and not break (keane)
6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Money Money Money (abba)
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Basket Case (green day) hahah!
8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Dancing Queen (abba)
9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Origin of Love (Hedwig)
10. WHAT IS 2+2? This is Halloween (Panic at the disco)
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Dreamin' (weezer)
12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? If I Fell (Beatles)
13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Light My Candle (Rent)
14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? King (weezer)... haha
15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Only in dreams (weezer)... hahaha
16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? My name is Jonas (weezer)
17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Recycled Air (postal service)
18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?Oh Lately it's so quiet (ok go)
19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Crash the Party (ok go)
20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Nightswimming (REM)
21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? I'm Yours (Jason Mraz)
22. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Finale/ Reprise (Nightmare before christmas)... haha
23. HOW WILL YOU DIE? Dreaming my Dreams (the cranberries)
24. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Only in Dreams (weezer... don't know why that one's in there twice)
25. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? New Years Day (U2)
26. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? Not Falling Apart (maroon 5)

okay... so some of those sucked, but some were pretty funny!

oh yeah!

I've just been quoted saying something old and wise! Awesome!

http://oldmanonthehill.com/

guildy's survey

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping Paper if I'm opening, gift bags if I'm wrapping.
2. Real tree or Artificial? I don't know if I've ever had a real tree, but they seem like they'd be nice :)
3. When do you put up the tree? whenever my roommates make me... yes... I'm kind of a scrooge
4. When do you take the tree down? I don't... my roommates do. They were the ones that insisted we put it up!
5. Do you like eggnog? It's alright
6. Favorite gift received as a child? I don't really know...
7. Hardest person to buy for? My dad- he doesn't ever tell me what he wants!
8. Easiest person to buy for? Carolyn- if I'd like it, she'll normally like it!
9. Do you have a nativity scene? nope
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I don't do either, but if I did I'd do mail
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? haha... I don't know, but I can tell you who it was probably from...
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Nightmare before Christmas
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? normally after thanksgiving
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? haha... yes.... but not to any of you guys...
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? oranges
16. Lights on the tree? yes
17. Favorite Christmas song? I don't really have one... I'm not a huge christmas music fan
18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? either one :)
19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Donner, Blitzen, Comet, Cupid... bob... joe... sam... rudolph
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? I like the star my parents have :)
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? christmas morning after stockings
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? christmas outside of december!
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? I don't really have a preference
24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? we normally have prime rib... this year we may have a turkey though, and that sounds good too. All I ask is that we don't have ham... bleh
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? I don't know... I'm sorry to whoever draws my name- I'm horrible to shop for
26. Who is most likely to respond to this? carebear
27. Who is least likely to respond to this? chaelomen

when you see my face hope it gives you hell... hope it gives you hell...

this has been a nightmarish week! also, this will probably be a really long post....

So lets start with the stress level in my life- I'm unbelievably stressed because of the family drama. (remember this moment- this is the first time I've admitted there's family drama on my blog.) I'm going insane! I tried to just not think about it all and distance myself from the entire thing, but I totally can't. I can go for about a week and be totally fine, but then I'll some kind of huge nervous breakdown. All the drama started when? About Sept 20th? right- so I've been stressed about that to the point where I pretty much stopped going to classes except for tests. I went into 3 tests without even knowing what they were on... got a 68% on one of them... normally I'd be pissed off about that low of a grade, but given the circumstances I was kind of excited about it.

great- so I'm stressed about the family and not going to classes. Lets talk about my academic standing right now at UNC. When I got home from FL I almost flunked out of school, so I was on academic probation. I just got off it last semester. I was very excited- had a little party. Now though? yeah... failing 3/4 of my classes with absolutely no chance of pulling any of them out of the fire... you know what that'll do? yep- make me flunk out of school. Awesome.

So I dropped out of school. I'm so pissed off that it had to come to this. I actually liked my classes this year- they were cool.... but it doesn't matter anymore, because I'm not in any of them.

Okay so lets talk about money. Remember that speeding ticket I got? totally screwed me over for rent. I barely got it put together on the 4th (mind you it was due oct 31). Mom and Dad have been helping me out, which I am very grateful for, but I wish I could do it on my own. bleh....

So I got my rent put together, and I thought I was finally coming out of the weeds a bit, but then I remember I need to drive down to t-town to vote. Not so much a big deal right? wrong. I'm driving in front of my old high school. I know the speed limit is low, I know there are ALWAYS cops everywhere there, I know this is the worst place in the world to speed... so I don't speed. I cannot stress this point enough- I'M NOT SPEEDING!! I remember that the car in front of me was speeding and I thought "they're going to get a ticket... sucks to be them" So I'm almost off 136th -right around the path where all the smokers from Horizon got to smoke- when a cop pulls out and starts flashing his lights at me. I think- I'm not doing anything wrong, he must have just gotten a call, so I pull over immediately and I'm awkwardly parked on a hill. To my great surprise he pulls over too. He came over and told me I was going 40 in a 25.... two things wrong with that statement- I was going only going 33 and the speed limit was 30. I had just checked my speed!! I know how fast I was going!! He told me it's a school zone, so the fine will be higher... but I swear I didn't see it labeled as a school zone. I asked to see his radar, and it indeed did show that he had caught someone going 40, but I wasn't speeding! again- the car in front of me was, but I was not. He said that he caught me going 40 over by where the speed first changed to 25 and that I didn't slow down until traffic made me slow down.... okay.... again- two things wrong with that statement... if he caught me going 40 over by where he says he did then he really must just have super-human powers to know which car he caught speeding... there's a hill between where I was "speeding" and where he was, so he couldn't actually see me.... second thing wrong with that statement, and I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record, but he just described what the car in front of me did... not me.... oh- one more thing wrong with that statement- he can't charge me with speeding in a school zone for me speeding over there, it's not a school zone over there... just because you pull me over in a school zone doesn't mean I committed a crime in a school zone.

So I got a ticket. For not doing anything. Bastard.

After I got the ticket I drove home, still needed to go vote. I called Dad and was in the midst of a panic attack- pretty sure first time dad's ever talked to me in the midst of a panic attack... I JUST GOT MY RENT! and now I have to pay this ticket!!! I'm fighting it, but what if I don't win? I'm totally screwed financially!!!

Which brings me to another reason to drop out- I need to work more so that I can afford rent.... Actually I probably need another job to pay rent...

I warned you this would be a long post. haha... hope you read it!